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November 6

 
Are there times in our relationship when I wish my partner would talk more with me? Do I find my attempts to talk are met with silence, or short phrases that I almost have to pry out of them?
   If so, perhaps one of the reasons is that they don’t feel they’re being heard in the ways that they want. What ways could that be?
   Perhaps I jump in when I hear them say something, but think they said one thing, when they really intended to say something else. For example, they may say "I’m tired of arguing", which I interpret as "I hate talking about things we disagree on". Could it be that what they are really trying to say, is "I hate it when you pick apart or put down what I want"?
   If I want more communication, there may be ways that I can encourage it, by practicing the art of listening more. The phrase "tell me more" may gain me more than the phrase "yes, but...". As I listen, I may discover the deeper reasons behind my SO’s viewpoints, and may find new common ground and understanding to explore why and how we see things differently.

Just for Today
   Today, I’ll use the phrase "tell me more about...." when I’m talking with my partner, and use my curiosity to learn why they see things the way they do. When I find common ground, I’ll let them know, by telling them "that makes a lot of sense to me". I’ll focus more on listening, because I already have lots of practice with "talking".

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. - Wilson Mizner


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