Are there times in our relationship
when I wish my partner would talk more with me? Do I find my attempts to talk are met with
silence, or short phrases that I almost have to pry out of them?
If so, perhaps one of the reasons is that they dont feel
theyre being heard in the ways that they want. What ways could that be?
Perhaps I jump in when I hear them say something, but think they said
one thing, when they really intended to say something else. For example, they may say
"Im tired of arguing", which I interpret as "I hate talking about
things we disagree on". Could it be that what they are really trying to say, is
"I hate it when you pick apart or put down what I want"?
If I want more communication, there may be ways that I can encourage it,
by practicing the art of listening more. The phrase "tell me more" may gain me
more than the phrase "yes, but...". As I listen, I may discover the deeper
reasons behind my SOs viewpoints, and may find new common ground and understanding
to explore why and how we see things differently.
Just for Today
Today, Ill use the phrase "tell me more about...." when
Im talking with my partner, and use my curiosity to learn why they see things the
way they do. When I find common ground, Ill let them know, by telling them
"that makes a lot of sense to me". Ill focus more on listening, because I
already have lots of practice with "talking".
A good listener is not only popular
everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. - Wilson Mizner
@Copyright Bernd Hansen - Contents may
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