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November 5

There are likely occasions in our relationship when I become very upset at something my partner does. Maybe they make a big purchase without consulting me, and it has a huge effect on our finances. Or they break important plans that we’ve made, or do the exact opposite of something they promised.
   One of the questions that probably comes to mind during such times, is "why didn’t they talk to me before they decided?" Maybe that question deserves more attention than I’ve been giving it.
   I may discover that I’ve been focusing more on having us both make "right decisions", rather than seeing what needs our choices are trying to fill in each of us. Perhaps my SO doesn’t talk over things with me at times, because they feel I’m the final judge of how right or wrong a choice is.
   If so, maybe I can find ways of talking over decisions that explore both of our needs more, and take a closer look at whether I’m giving "permission" in a particular choice, or truly giving my point of view.

Just for Today
   Today, I’ll make a list of large and small decisions that each of us have made, and look closely at how many we’ve reached together as equals, and how many I played the role of final judge with. I’ll check the latter, to see if there are other ways of handling them that will bring me better results.

Be aware that a halo has to fall only a few inches to be a noose. - Dan McKinnon

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