dates31.gif (1655 bytes)
.
May 31

   If I've searched out books or outside insight to help me find answers to relationship difficulties, I may have come across the phrase "detachment with love". What exactly does this mean?
   To detach, means to let go - not in the sense of leaving the relationship, but in letting go of my wishful thinking that somehow I can get my partner to change. When I detach with love, I make a conscious decision to stop reacting to things they do. Instead, I try to make choices that are best for me in any given situation.
   On the surface, detachment sounds uncaring. It's not however unless I choose to stop caring. For example, if my SO growls at me for something they feel I should have done, I can detach from their anger. They have a right to their emotions, just as I have a right to mine. I can choose not to respond to their anger with anger of my own; instead, I can simply respond in ways that acknowledge their feelings, or even not respond at all, if that feels best.
   When I detach, I find myself being able to love my SO's good qualities more without their faults dragging me down.

Just for Today
   Today if I find myself reacting to my partner's choices or feelings, I'll remember that I have no real power over them. Conversely, the only real power my partner has over my choices and feelings is the power I give them. Whatever thoughts and emotions I have, let them be truly mine, and let the same apply to them.

It is one of the beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to be kind to another, without helping himself. - Bailey


@Copyright Bernd Hansen - Contents may be downloaded or copied for personal non-commercial use.