"I'm sooooooooooo fat". It's a vicious circle; I get angry at myself for not meeting expectations, and end up feeling miserable over my lack of "will power". No matter how I try to handle my feelings of shame and low self-worth, I eventually find myself using food again to help me deal with those feelings, and packing in more calories.
Maybe my SO says unkind words about my weight, or withdraws emotionally or sexually, and I feel even less self-worth. Even when my SO accepts my appearance with open arms, I find it hard to believe I'm really attractive. Are my struggles with weight really my fault though? Isn't being hard on myself self-defeating?
It's impossible for me to meet others' faulty definitions of what beauty is. When my weight causes me physical as well as emotional discomfort, there may be any number of reasons, ones where "self-control" may be the most harmful thing I can try.
The real cause could be a physical disorder, repressed sexual abuse, low feelings of self-worth, or any number of other roots. My weight may actually be my body's way of protecting me until I begin to heal the underlying causes.
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