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March 31

   Most couples have arguments during their relationship. Some are heated discussions, provoked by actions that trigger deep anger, hurt, or other strong emotions. I dread having such times of upheaval in our relationship. Yet it's often during those troublesome periods that I find out things I never realized before about myself and my partner.
   For instance, my SO becomes extremely upset that I have been late one too many times, and I discover though the tears and screaming that they had a terrifying childhood experience once when their parents were late picking them up. An explosion over sexual struggles reveals that I was once raped, and had been too ashamed to tell them about it.
   When I experience turbulent times, it could help me if I paused for a moment, and asked myself if there is something that I or my partner am afraid to be truthful about? Often there is; once I realize that, it becomes easier to handle those fears through kindness and understanding, not through further lashing.

Just for Today
   Do I dread troubled times in our relationship, or do I accept them as an important way of learning about each other more? Maybe it's not the trouble itself that harms our relationship; maybe it's our attitudes about it. Although I have no control over my partner's attitude, I can change mine.
   Today I'll treat trouble like a porcupine carrying a diamond - once I stop being afraid of it, I can thoughtfully and carefully get its treasure.

Trouble that leads us to truth is a friend.


@Copyright Bernd Hansen - Contents may be downloaded or copied for personal non-commercial use.