When my SO does something that hurts me, do I sometimes say I forgive them, but keep pulling up the grievances in my memory or in my conversation?
Carrying around a hurt is like carrying around a hot coal - the longer I carry it, the more it hurts. I don't have to forgive my partner for anything, even if they plead with me to do so. Nor do I have to forget when I forgive. Forgiveness is something I do first for me. I can't turn back the clock and undo the original hurt, but I can stop my SO's original choice from causing me even more pain.
If it would help me if my partner made amends, then I need to give careful thought to what I want those amends to be. Amends aren't chances to "even the score"; they are ways of repairing the damage. If I were lied to, having my SO tell me the whole truth would help. If I felt they were insensitive to my feelings, having them give their full attention to my feelings now could ease my pain.
A wise man will make haste to forgive, because he knows the full value of time and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain. - Rambler
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