Struggles over sex affect many relationships at one time or another. Perhaps one feels pressured at times, or is afraid of being inadequate, or finds it difficult to relax. Often there are differences in how frequently each partner wants it. Those kinds of differences and others often result in feelings of rejection, hurt, anger, frustration and confusion. We try to find ways of getting our needs met and respected, often without success.
It may help me to remember that while my needs are important, it's not my partner's responsibility to take care of my needs. If I let a sense of obligation enter the bedroom, it will usually dampen love and the magic of sex. I end up with mixed feelings including disappointment, which I then feel I have to mask.
What are my alternatives? It might help if I substitute other caring touches when my partner prefers not to have sex. Gentle non-sexual caressing helps us find that our bodies are capable of pleasure in many other ways. My respect for my partner's wishes will also produce a new climate of safety and closeness, that carries over to sex at a future time or day.
@Copyright Bernd Hansen - Contents may be downloaded or copied for personal non-commercial use.