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June 11

   Why do relationships cause me so much pain at times? Maybe this isn't the right question - maybe I'd get more insight if I asked myself "what is the pain in our relationship trying to teach me?"
   Most of the pain I feel falls into two main areas: choices my partner makes that are designed to hurt me, and choices either of us makes that don't have ill motives behind them. If I look closely, I'll probably find that most of the pain I felt was caused unintentionally.Why did I feel pain then? I may have blamed it on the "enough" word; my SO or me didn't remember/try/care/-think/work hard "enough", or didn't take my feelings into account "enough". Is it my partner or me, or the standards I put on us that is causing me a lot of the pain? If I can see that it's usually the latter, my pain can help me find out why I set myself up for such falls.
   Often such pain comes from flooding in from deep hurts and fears from the past. If I grew up in a household where I was abused, mistreated, or where I didn't feel safe or loved, I may have needed to set standards on our behavior to give me a new sense of safety, and belonging.

Just for Today
   Today I'll take more responsibility for my present pain, and stop blaming as much on me or my partner. I'll talk about my feelings with my SO if they're willing to listen, and look for the hurt child within me. Each time I do, I'll likely find that a sense of real safety and love grows a bit more in both of our lives.

Every scar we get from experience is like a new mark on a treasure map; eventually they all lead us to untold riches. - BH


@Copyright Bernd Hansen - Contents may be downloaded or copied for personal non-commercial use.