When I look at the times my SO hurt me in the past, there are probably many things that I've "forgiven". What do I actually do when I forgive, however?
Perhaps it means I let go of my desire to punish them, or have them "make up" for them. Maybe I decide not to "remind" them of those incidents, when we are struggling over something new. Chances are though, unless I've truly let go of my anger or disappointment, I've only done part of the forgiveness process.
There are some signs that can help me see when I'm still holding onto past resentment, including such phrases as :'remember when....'; "you always (or never)...'; "this is the second (or third, or fourth, etc.) time you...'; "I'm sick and tired of you...".
True forgiveness is something I do for me, so that I can let go of the pain and disappointment that can poison my life, the longer I hold onto them. Forgiving frees me to handle each new situation on its own merits, instead of trying to haul all the luggage from the past.
When I focus on the present, I'm also less likely to get sidetracked by arguments over whose memory is better - mine or my SO's.
Just for Today
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