Am I having an affair right now, or have I recently ended one?
If so, it has likely given me a renewed feeling of being loveable, and attractive, and wanted. Those feelings seem so good, that it is difficult at times to reconcile them with other uneasy feelings that keep nagging at me inside.
But it may well do me a lot of good to listen to those nagging feelings too. If I do, I might begin to see that there is a hidden price that will continue to increase day by day, if I don't pay attention to it now.
One of the biggest is that now I have a secret which I likely have to hide from my partner. Keeping the secret begins to hurt me in ways I probably never realized. I find it more difficult to be close and intimate with my SO. There are certain subjects now that are too dangerous to talk about. When a talk show is on about infidelity, I have to consciously keep my face still, so that I don't betray myself with my facial expressions.
In time, what I usually discover, is that the affair is creating another stone wall between me and my SO. My struggles to help improve the relationship have gotten permanently harder as a result.
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