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January 28

"(Love)..believes all things"

   When my partner has lied to me, especially when it has happened more than once, it's hard to know what to believe anymore. I spend more and more energy trying to get clues about impending dishonesty, checking up on them, and grilling them at times like a police detective.
   Why do I do this? Does it accomplish what I'm trying to achieve? Usually it doesn't. They tell me "it doesn't matter what I say, you won't believe me anyway". Or they become even better at shielding or bending the truth.
   It sounds as if "believing all things" is a one-way ticket to disaster. But what happens if I let go of my need to have them be truthful, and simply believe what they say, until shown otherwise?
   Giving my partner the benefit of the doubt doesn't necessarily mean I base my choices on what they say. If someone isn't trustworthy, it's in my best interest not to rely on what they tell me, because that could easily lead to hurt, or harmful choices. I can let go of my need to disbelieve them when their honesty (or lack of it) no longer has a bearing on my choices, or happiness.

Just for Today
   Today, I'll look at something I've been tempted to disbelieve from my SO, and stop and ask myself "why is it so important to know whether they're telling the truth or not?" I'll try to make choices that don't depend so much on their honesty. Then, if they lie, they'll no longer be able to hurt me, only themself.

The man who trusts men will make fewer mistakes than he who distrusts them. - Conte Di Camillo Benso Cavour


@Copyright Bernd Hansen - Contents may be downloaded or copied for personal non-commercial use.