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January 14

   As I spend more time in this relationship, I might be noticing that some of the things I found so attractive earlier have become irritating. And worse, I and my S\O are exact opposites in many more ways that I ever realized. One is usually late, the other punctual; one is cautious, the other takes risks at the drop of a hat; one constantly worries, the other doesn't seem to care about anything; one watches money scrupulously, the other spends it with little thought. And so on.
   Each of us defends our way of doing things, and it gets aggravating and frustrating when my SO seems to refuse to see my viewpoint, and how right I am.
   If I take the time to step back for a moment though, often I'll get a sudden flash of insight. For example, I saw that my caution was actually a fear of risk, because in the past I took what I thought was a safe risk, and got hurt very badly. My SO had the opposite experience - they got hurt in the past by trying to play safe.
   What we discover is that each other's behavior triggers the same fear and deep hurt we both experienced long ago. Once we see our old, deep wounds more clearly, we can begin healing them, by talking about them fully with each other, and getting outside insight when we need to.

Just for Today
   Today I'll take a few moments to think about how my SO's behavior aggravates me at times, and see what treasures my frustration can teach me about myself. If I won't learn my lessons, what gives me the right to try and teach my SO?

Search your own heart. What pains you in others may be in yourself also. - John Greenleaf Whittier


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