One of the biggest hot spots in relationships is the issue of sex. I want more or less than my partner; I have different values, or beliefs; I feel obligations; I feel rejections. If I have had bad sexual experiences in the past, I may have flashbacks to either the memories or the feelings they gave me. Or I may have expectations thrust on me, or have expectations of my own that interfere with the sexual part of our relationship.
My sexual happiness usually reflects what is going on in other parts of our relationship. When I feel at ease with my partner or truly loved in other ways, I become more at ease in the bedroom as well. When the rest of our relationship has a lot of struggle, it's natural for that struggle to be carried over to sex.
My sexuality, however, is like any other part of me. When what I give to our relationship is based on expectations - either mine or my SO's - then it isn't based on love. Hidden resentment builds inside me each time I make a sexual choice I'm not comfortable with, or allow my sexuality to be controlled by my SO's values or fears.
@Copyright Bernd Hansen - Contents may be downloaded or copied for personal non-commercial use.