Often, when my partner does something that hurts my feelings, I try to do is understand why they made such a choice. Sometimes talking with my SO helps, while other times the effort degenerates into accusations, defensiveness, and even more hurt feelings.
Why is it so important for me to understand my partners motives, and their reasons for making hurtful choices? Do I expect I'll be able to point out how wrong they are, and convince them how unjustified their actions may have been? Do I blame myself, and want to find out what mistake I might have made that "caused" their behavior?
If my partner is willing to talk things out with me, I can discover things about myself that help me improve our relationship, and understand each of us better. But if not, I'll spend countless hours if I try to read their mind, with about as much success as trying to predict next year's weather.
Time I spend trying to guess my partners motives not only contributes to my hurt, but also robs me of chances to enjoy the present.
@Copyright Bernd Hansen - Contents may be downloaded or copied for personal non-commercial use.