August 4

Do I blame my partner for the biggest share of the struggles we have in our relationship? Maybe I find myself saying "sure I know some things are my fault, but they’re not anywhere near as bad as what they do!" If so, I’m also likely frustrated that change in my SO - when it happens - doesn’t last long. Some days I probably wonder how much longer I should put up with it.
  What am I accomplishing by putting most of the blame for our relationship problems on my SO’s shoulders? ItĂs not bringing me happiness, or contentment, or peace of mind. Maybe it helps me make sense of anger I feel inside, that seems to be caused by my SO.
  If my SO was mad at someone else, would I like it if they took it out on me? How do I tell who or what I’m really angry at?
  If I take time alone, in a quiet place, and listen to my inner voice, I may be surprised to discover that part of the anger I feel towards my SO is really anger I have at others in my past. Maybe I thought I "got over it", or put it behind me. I probably wanted it to leave my system, and thought it would do so if I simply willed it to. But unless I’ve learned how to express anger in ways that are truly good for me, old anger may simply be sitting inside me like a festering wound.

Just for Today
  Today, I’ll make an honest "anger list", and write down everything in my past that still brings up feelings of anger, no matter how small. I’ll take some quiet time, and get in touch with all those feelings best I can, and then take time to look at when that old anger is leaking out onto my SO, without me realizing it. I’ll ask for my partner’s and other people’s help in finding ways to let that anger out in ways that give me true freedom from it.

It’s easier to curse the flowers for not blossoming, than to pull the weeds out by the roots. - BH

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