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August 18

   
There’s a saying that it’s easier to learn a good habit than to break a bad one. In our relationship, chances are that both my SO and I have a mix of both good and bad relationship "habits", learned from watching our parents and other couples.
  In driving cars, drivers with bad driving habits are a lot more likely to have painful accidents. In relationships, doesn’t it make sense that "crashes" can be very good clues that there’s "bad habits" at work as well?
  When something in our relationship causes me turmoil or pain, it may be helpful to me to look at what habit of mine may be at work. Maybe I’m used to clamming up when I’m frustrated, or lashing out when I feel hurt, for example. If what I do brings me more frustration, looking at my normal ways of handling such situations may give me valuable clues that can lead me toward better ways of handling such problems. Looking at them as "habits" can also help me accept that change may take a long time, because no one is able to change a habit overnight.

Just for Today
  Today, I’ll look at ways I cope with our relationship struggles, and try to see what "habits" I’ve learned that may keep causing me problems. I’ll begin practicing ways that can bring me better results, and give myself as much time as I need to turn these into new habits that are better for me, and my SO.

It is often wiser to unlearn than learn. - Edward George Bulwer-Lytton


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