There may be times in our relationship where I start making a mental list of things that bug me about my partner. Maybe I get irritated about their lack of neatness, or overzealousness in being tidy; they growl about something I've left undone, but do exactly the same thing themselves.
What does this accomplish? Usually I hope to throw such examples in their face the next time they complain about my behavior, or use their faults to justify some of my choices.
When I'm occupied with filling my mind with such, I'm in a contest, not in a relationship - the one with the least faults wins. But the more I occupy myself in such score-keeping, the less able I am to have loving, kind thoughts.
It isn't my SO that loses out, as much as I do. The more cluttered I keep my mind with thoughts and memories that don't contribute to my happiness, the less happy I'll likely be. It's as simple as that.
Don't let your mind become a junk drawer.
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