If I had an infection that caused rashes to break out on my face, how would I feel if all a doctor did was prescribe makeup? Likely I'd feel angry, because the reason for the rashes had been left untreated. What's more, there'd be a good chance that the infection could get even worse.
How many times though do I treat problems in our relationship the same way? For example, maybe my SO is not as neat as I'd like them to be, and I think "if only I can teach them to straighten up, the problem will be solved".
When I tackle what I can see on the surface, often real change never occurs - it only turns out to be cosmetic, and I find myself having to remind my SO over and over again.
Would I expect my partner to magically "cure" a face rash, without appropriate treatment for it? Of course not. It's no more realistic to expect them to change habits that have underlying reasons even they may not be aware of.
If I focus on my own shortcomings instead of theirs, an interesting thing happens. I discover that it's just as hard for me to change things about myself, as it is for my SO to change anything about themself. It's only when I truly accept that there are natural reasons for my behavior that I find any real change occurs in my life.
@Copyright Bernd Hansen - Contents may be downloaded or copied for personal non-commercial use.