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If my SO has told me horror stories about a parent or a former partner, one of my most natural responses is to try and give them a lot of the things they missed out on.
I may try extra hard to give them the kind of affection or attention they missed earlier; at the same time, I listen carefully for clues about the good things they got before, and try to give those in even better ways.
What may have happened though, is that at some point I started feeling hidden resentment or frustration. I seemed to be doing all the work, and my partner seemed to be getting most of the special treatment, without me getting an equal amount in return.
Whenever I try to fill someone else's shoes, I stop being me. The best way to make up for the past is to live well in the present, and give what I naturally have to give. To do that means paying proper attention to my feelings as well.
When I decide to be myself, I can replace illusion in our relationship with reality. It's only when love is based on who I truly am, that it can begin to bring me to greater happiness and understanding.
Just for Today
When I give my SO attention and
affection, do I sometimes try to make up for past
circumstances in their life?
Today I'll give careful thought to
whether I do or not, and whether it's truly possible for
me to do so, especially if I have to change who I am to
do it. I'll remember to be me, and that being me is
always the best I can give anyone.
To find your place in life, don't try to fill someone else's.
@Copyright Bernd Hansen - Contents may be downloaded or copied for personal non-commercial use.