Hot and cold. Does this phrase describe our relationship at times? When I feel as if my emotions or my partner's are like a yoyo, it confuses me. I long for a return of good times, but as soon as they appear I start dreading what usually follows: more down times.
If this is happening in our relationship, I'm not alone. We all long for closeness, but when we get a lot of it, we start feeling smothered or caged in. When we don't have closeness though, we feel pangs of loneliness, and insecurity. Because of this, our relationship keeps going through cycles of closeness, then distance, and we both become confused, hurt and angry.
How do I stop this frustrating yoyo? The first thing I need to do is stop blaming my partner, or myself, and start finding the underlying reasons why it happens.
We could get more insight by talking with a relationship therapist, or taking time to talk and really listen to each other's feelings about it. I may find that I was mistaken in my belief that my partner withdrew from me because they didn't care about my feelings. As I gain new insights, I may find I get a new understanding of love that combines closeness with a calm freedom to be myself.
Just for Today
When your elevator keeps going up and down, it's time to stop pushing buttons. - BH
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