 Husband dragging his heels -
luise
If you're familiar with my posts you know that I have
seen numerous counsellors in the past 4 years and my
husband has gone with me a few times but is reluctant to
go. He thinks he can do this himself by reading, etc.
However the books he has just sit on his nightstand and
he has looked at them a few times.(I mainly dust them.)
So now he has agreed to see a counsellor with me on a
regular basis. Please don't think I'm not pleased but I
find myself being resentful that now I have to go with
him after all I tried to do to get him to go the past 4
years. I have searched for an answer in solving our
problems while he sat back and waited to see what move I
would make. He has been waiting to be dumped on
basically. My feeling at this point is that I will go but
I think it's his turn to go figure out for himself why
he's not able to meet my emotional needs. By the way it
has been two weeks since he said he'd do this. He made
the appointment which I had to cancel due to a family
health problem and I know it is my responsibility to
reschedule BUT do you think he has mentioned another word
about it? No. Thoughts please.
 From: cindy
It sounds like your husband needs to be pushed a
little. If your marriage is worth saving and you love
your husband, call and make the appointment. I was there,
I know what I had to do and I know what he had to do. I
carried the whole thing on my shoulders. Then I left.
From: hugger
Luise, Marriage is not 50/50..often it is 100/0 and if
the only effort he can make now is to say "yes"
then go for it...there is effort there..use it to further
your potential...don't use it to measure...yes you have
given all you could...but maybe all he could was to say
"yes"...you really need to change the judging
in your mind to faith and unconditional acceptance...so
that some trust can build...if you can allow yourself to
forgive the past you will be able to move on toward the
future together..4 years ago is not the problem..the
problem is how do we make our marriage better today..what
can I do for the other to make their life better..more
loving...if you both focus more on each other than on
your own needs then love can grow...when you focus on
your own needs then resentment grows..both of you moving
toward the same goal with be fantastic...you will be
amazed at how good you can both feel...so go...make the
appointment and be so very happy that he is willing to
try...your relationship has a new beginning this very
day...I hope that the counsellor is Christian because
your faith in God is integral to the core of your
marriage...his strength and love for you can be a very
strong bond...you begin to think about what God would
want you to do...not what you think you want or need....
I will be praying for you.. and it works trust me..I
know
From: MZET
I'm not a counsellor, but I play one on the
Internet..... It's OK to feel the resentment; it's only
natural after so much has pooled in your heart, but you
can overcome it. You can't let resentment take the
driver's seat. This is difficult, I know, but now that
you are so close to starting the process, the effort will
pay off, regardless of the outcome.
And remember that it is not only his problem. Don't
assume that you can just sit back and let him figure out
why he is not meeting your needs. That's only part of the
process. There is a lot of hard and difficult work ahead
for BOTH of you. C'mon, reschedule the appointment! :)
Take care.
From: luise
Thanks all....and so quickly! I knew what your replies
would be about going or not going but I wanted you to
elaborate some which has been very helpful. I'm just so
tired of the struggle and know it could've been easier
with someone else had I only been smarter and more in
touch with the little voice that always told me this is
not right. I've learned to listen to that little voice in
all aspects of my life lately that I could kick myself
for not paying attention to it and my heart early on. I
wish I could actually speak with God about this because I
know he would tell me what to do and a peace would fall
over me. I know the life's answers are simple and that we
will all just be flabbergasted when we get to heaven and
the see that the answers have been here all along.
(Sounds like the Wizard of Oz!) God is shining down on
you for all your strength and words of wisdom. Thank you.
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