Good Friday Miracle - Bernd

I have mentioned this a few times in the comment forum, and thought it was about time I posted it here. It reminds me of the many times in my recovery where I thought I was going completely nuts, and throwing my "rational" mind out the window - but in taking the leap of "irrational" faith, I actually discovered an insight of profound truth. Here it is.

The Good Friday Miracle.

It was Good Friday. That afternoon, as I sat in one of the pews at St. Ambrose Church - one that I had visited for answers many times before - I buried my head between my hands, wondering why this unexplainable feeling kept nagging away inside, tugging at me gently but relentlessly.

The night before, nearing close to 8 weeks of separation from my wife, I had an in-depth conversation with her, and told her of a decision I felt calm and sure about inside, but one that spelt the final end of our marriage.

I told her that, after long and careful thought and soul searching, I had no desire to try to reconcile our relationship. It was over. I could not predict the future, but at that moment - and for the many days and hours of struggling with my inner direction before - I knew deep inside that the best thing for both of us was to let our relationship go, and move onto tomorrow.

It was painful. And I sensed that, for her, the finality of it all would come crushing down in heart-wrenching pain. The destructive decisions that we had both made had finally taken their ultimate toll. It was too late to turn back the clock.

As I sat in the pew, I explored again my feelings of the night before. They remained the same - and felt just as solid. Yet the nagging feeling continued, puzzling me totally. I prayed silently, asking God that, if he was trying to tell me something, could he please tell me what the hell he was trying to get through to me.

I remember looking up at the altar close to 100 feet away. Two brass stands with Easter floral arrangements stood on each side. Sunlight shone through the stained glass above.

Then, something happened that made me think I was not only hearing my inner voices, but hallucinating as well. The brass stand to the right of the altar appeared to move, yet at the same time, stay in exactly the same place. I remember thinking "was this just a mirage that my eyes created because I had been holding my face toward the floor for so long, or just what did happen?" And I felt thoroughly stupid - the stand was exactly in the same place it was when I first looked at it, and yet I knew something had happened. But I was even more scared that if I went up closer to make sure it hadn't really moved, that I would - by doing so - confirm I was going crazy. Eventually, I couldn't stand not knowing for sure any longer. I walked up to the altar. The closer I got, the more convinced I was that the stand hadn't moved either to the left or right.

I was right. It hadn't moved either of those directions. When I got within a few feet of it, I noticed a small white piece of cardboard wedged between the pole, and the hole it occupied in its base. Although I don't know how long that stand had been set up in the church, somewhere in the few minutes that I had looked at it, the cardboard had no longer been able to keep the pole from slipping in it's broken base, and the pole had tilted backwards about a foot.

"What are you trying to tell me?", I implored silently, looking up at the stained glass.

And then the answer came. No matter how much things look as if they are staying the same, they are changing. It was my viewpoint that prevented me from seeing the real movement.

At that moment, I knew I was going back. I found a commitment to myself, one that a solitary man had set for the world by his example almost 2,000 years earlier.

On Easter Sunday, I moved back home. And our journey together has continued ever since.

From: kelle

Bernd, this was one of the first posts I read on this page, one of the first chances I had to get to know you. I think of it often, so I had to come back and share my experience from this last week. I will preface by saying that I have often benefitted from some very obvious messages from God in the past, and I rely on those 'messages' now whenever I have a particularly difficult question. (I haven't really asked any questions about what to do do with my marriage tho--I know what His answer would be.) Anyway,

I was with my husband on a business trip, and late one night we took a walk on the coast (more out of need to walk off a huge supper than an opportunity to be romantic.) When we paused before heading back to our hotel to enjoy the really incredible starry sky, I asked him (out of the blue) "do you think we'll make it?" It was kind of amazing that he understood what I was even talking about, but he did, and his response was "sure." But I clarified "well, I KNOW we'll make it [since we don't really consider divorce an option], but I meant will we make it GOOD?" [IE, will we ever regain any semblance of a happy marriage]. He still believed we would, "because we both want to." (It was dark, so he couldn't see me rolling my eyes. :) )

But just then, the most brilliant and long-lasting shooting star streaked across the sky.

I smiled to myself and said a quick prayer ("OF course I know that's what 'YOU' want! :) ), and I can't help believing that was someone else getting his two bits in on the conversation.

Of course, if this all falls apart, I can just point out the fact that even brilliant falling stars eventually fizzle out! In the meantime, though, I'm going to cling to the more positive interpretation.

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