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 Long-Distance relationship -
STEVE
I have been in a long-distance relationship for just
about two years now. Things have been the joy of my life.
I live in CA, she lives in UT. After maintaining a
relationship for about 8 months, I packed up and moved to
goto school w/her in UT. That only lasted about 5 months
and we both departed school. I came back to CA as she
maintained herself in UT. She has a very odd job..she
works a graveyard shift, thus creating her to
"sleep" all day. We usually talk daily (yes, I
have an extremly low rate on my long distance phone
company) and things "have" been great. I was
planning on moving to UT, get a job and be w/her all the
time. Lately, she has begun to question that. There are
certain factors in our relationship that do put a
hinderance upon us. She comes from a Mormon family, I
don't. That has been a major obstacle we've sorta
overcome over time. But, her questioning me about moving
to UT to be w/her (she won't even move in w/me unless we
were married) has just about dropped our relationship off
into nowhere. I love this girl as more than I love life.
She is my life. I feel that I'm clinging onto her leg
w/all my life to keep our relationship moving forward
rather than stopping. So...has anyone out there has this
situation come across them too? What did you do? How did
it feel? Any advice/help/suggestions will be greatly
appreciated.
 From: halfpint
I was also in a long-distance relationship with my
boyfriend of a year. The phone bills and time apart were
enormous and I missed him very much, as he did me. We
moved in together over in his state, so I gave up my life
in my state and packed and moved. Unfortunately I guess
both of us thought once we lived together everything will
be happily ever after, not true there were still
disagreements and differences. I did not really want to
move in with him without marriage like your girlfriend,
but I thought we would get married soon. The ring was
being paid for but the bills with the both of us living
together was getting in the way, and I kind of resented
it. I never really told him how I felt and little by
little the everyday things built up without either one of
us saying the things we were feeling. I will tell you
talk to your girlfriend, tell her your feelings, talk
honestly with her, and when she talks to you about how
she feels, listen, really listen to her. Communication
between two people in love should always maintain. I wish
I had this website when things were going rough with my
relationship. This place makes me think of things that I
could have done to save what I had but we gave up and now
are split up and there is even more distance between us
(physically, state to another state). Try about 750 miles
now. How about moving, but maintaining separate living
places in the same town until you get married? She may
also be scared of moving in with you and eventually you
won't marry her, I was that way, scared especially when
my engagement ring kept getting put off more and more.
Just talk honestly with one another. Good luck I wish you
& her the best!
From: tessie
I have a couple of quick comments... First, I know
from experience that certain relationships have built-in
escape hatches, and both long-distance AND interfaith
relationships are on the list. So you might want to look
at whether or not you have fears of intimacy and
commitment that haven't really come to the surface.
Second, I am a Latter-day Saint (Mormon) myself and
have been in many interfaith relationships. I don't know
(and don't want to know) whether or not you two have
already "slipped", but I can tell you this:
Pre-marital sex or moving in together will put a terrible
strain on her, whether or not she herself is devout. If
you love her, you will have to make sure she feels very
safe with you in this regard.
(By the way, the Ask Dr. Tracy
column covered this very issue one day!) Anyway, if I
were the woman here, I would need lots of security in you
not asking me to compromise standards. Love issues aside,
personal commitments do come into play here. She must be
very special for you to want to make such radical changes
in your life. God bless.
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